DIFFICULT DECISIONS
Dear Dr. Jenni,
I’m 78, and my wife has Alzheimer’s. It’s gotten severe over the past five years, and our sex life has fully disappeared. I feel such sadness and yearning. I can’t ask her to fulfill my sexual needs, and I’m starting to think that at 78, maybe I shouldn’t have any. I don’t know what to do because at the same time, I feel very horny (and guilty about this), and yearning for connection with another.
—Alone with Alzheimer’
Dear Alone,
Your feelings, and needs, are very normal. Sex doesn’t stop because you entered your 70s — or 80s or 90s. As human beings, we are inherently sexual our entire lives, some of us more than others, on account of hormones, stress, illness or relationship issues.
It’s fine to feel horny. I encourage you to consider masturbation, as it can be a useful and fun outlet to access self-pleasure and explore your fantasies.
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Of course, it’s also understandable that you are yearning for a connection with another, though this is undoubtedly a more difficult predicament.
Because of the severity of your wife’s Alzheimer’s, she may not be able to emotionally or physically consent to your sexual requests.
The question becomes an ethical one in which you have to ask yourself if you are comfortable seeking sex outside the marriage if your wife is unable to give full, informed consent.
You know your wife best. What do you think she might say if you had this conversation years back before any illness set in? What would she want for you now? If that question is difficult to answer, consider if the roles were reversed and you were the one with Alzheimer’s. What would you want for your wife in that scenario?
If anything, answering these questions for yourself will ultimately give you more permission to feel and explore your sexual needs, either within the confines of masturbation or with another.
Only you can make that decision.
Read more at: http://www.boulderweekly.com/articles.sec-123-1-sophisticated-sex.htm
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