SQUEAMISH ABOUT SEX
Dear Dr. Jenni,
My sister’s kids are staying with us for a week. They are the same age as my kids, 5 and 7. They play these sexually charged games, like doctor-nurse. I caught them doing this. Her kids also talk in graphic ways. At bath time, the 7-year-old named his penis and scrotum. I’m really unnerved by this. My sister claims she is just educating her kids and I need to learn to calm down. But I don’t want to negatively affect my kids. I’m honestly terrified of being a bad mother.
-Mother in Crisis
Dear MIC,
Simply asking these difficult and important questions demonstrates good mothering. Many parents in U.S. society grapple with the topic of how to talk to kids about sex: what to say, when to say it, and what are the repercussions. You are certainly not alone in feeling unnerved by this.
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That said, feel assured that the behavior and language your sister’s children demonstrate is completely normal and appropriate for their age. Though many 7-year-old boys may not be able to name their scrotum, knowing the full spectrum of their anatomy will only serve to empower them.
To further educate yourself on what to say and when to say it, I suggest buying a book on child lifespan development, then teach your kids everything you can! Consider where you got your sex education and if you felt well educated and equipped. Do you want the same experience for your children? If it doesn’t come from you, it will come from someone else. Would you rather be that source of knowledge, or defer that responsibility to the Internet and their peer group?
As for repercussions, there is extensive evidence-based research illustrating that when parents talk to their children about sex early and often, the onset of sexual activity is delayed. When you strip the mystery out of something, then it doesn’t seem as forbidden and alluring. There will still be a curiosity, for certain, but it will be an educated exploration. You will be giving your kids the gift of knowledge.
They will recognize the need for precautions against pregnancy and STDs and be open to the rewards of intimacy and pleasure.
Read more QnA at The Boulder Weekly, Sophisticated SEX column: http://www.boulderweekly.com/articles.sec-123-1-sophisticated-sex.html
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